I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
