Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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