it wasn't lemon gatorade
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I want is dick and wine.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
