I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
