I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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