"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
