but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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