Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
