No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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