You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
