Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
