Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize