i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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