During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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