They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
