I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
