you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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