My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
