i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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