I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
