she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I look better un-naked...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
