the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
