Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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