i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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