Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
