He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
