in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
