Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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