somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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