The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it's like iHOP with fire
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
