The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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