Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
