happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
