I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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