Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
