i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
