Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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