no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
