I accidentally had phone sex last night
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
