I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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