you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just wanna soil my oats bro
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
