So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
