those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
