It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
