it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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