my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
