listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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