i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
