Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
