You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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