How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize