it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
