what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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