Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
