oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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