Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am one with the molecules
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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