what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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