you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
