So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
