As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize