even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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