Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've blown a few things in my day
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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