it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
