At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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