i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
