I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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