I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I need moral support for this bender
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize