Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
