can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
