I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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