I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
