she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
