Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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