he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
