just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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