we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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