After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
