is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize