worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
