If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
