"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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