beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
wow bdsm is so cute
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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