what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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