whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
