I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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