I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
