I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
