I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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