girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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