you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
