im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
