His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
