I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
