I smell stomach acid.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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