Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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