You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
