he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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