She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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