he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
