you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
