i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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