i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize