Sry I called you an 8
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
