My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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