ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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