Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
