she was so not down for the gang bang
Just cropdusted the office
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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