Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
