I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
