Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
