So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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