Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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