I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
