Define "chronic" masturbator.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
