Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize