so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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