Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
