You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
