you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
