Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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